Did you know
- Women feel humiliated quicker than men.
- Children feel shame more intensely than adults do
Simply put, When we cross the lines created by the social norms we believe in, We feel shame.
Everyone experiences shame at some point in time in their life. Remember the moment when a loved one caught you telling a lie? When friends made fun of your name?
It’s the feeling you get when you are exposed and are the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. Suddenly you feel so so so small.
- We cringe and are unable to look the other person straight in the eye.
- We wish we did not exist or can this be a bad dream.
- Just thinking of the event makes you shut your eyes and cover your face.
Shame makes us feel negative and terrible all over. Shame can make you feel as if you are the worst person in the world, that there is a problem with your complete being and you are inadequate and unworthy.
If you have experienced shame as a child or a teenager, then you are more susceptible to low self-esteem and self-deprecating thoughts even in your adulthood. E.g.: “I am good at nothing”. “Everything I do ends up wrong”. “It’s my fault”.
More often you don’t end up talking about how ashamed you felt.
So how do you start to let go of the shame you feel with easy and doable ways.
- Acknowledge that you feel shame.
- Try avoiding situations that make you feel ashamed. If there is a particular group of friends who constantly make fun of you, maybe it’s time to make new friends.
- Be kind to yourself. It is hard if people make fun of something about you that cannot be changed e.g. A physical attribute about you. In such an instance, a not so easy but effective solution is to accept (Say ‘You’re Right’). This generally takes the fizz out of someone’s nasty comments.
- If you wronged someone for which you feel shame, Apologize. Leave the forgiving up to them. But YOU apologize. Repeatedly if necessary.
- To thine own self be true. Take some time out to wonder as to why it happened? Why you did it? Why someone did it to you? You may not get all the answers but it’s a good start.
Whatever the reason, shame can have deeper and stronger negative psychological and physiological impacts. So, if you are still reeling with a shameful experience that you have never dared to talk about to anyone Vent It Out.